RSSSix black cocks and a little white kitten…
Feb 02
Play Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 4 Comments
On boys night, when we play cards and drink far too much, we tend to have the timeless classic ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels‘ on in the background.
A subject of much debate has been what are the endings to jokes they are telling each other in the car journey, that due to the editing, you never get to hear the punchline, well a bit of Googling I found a (possibly not real) answer to one of them (warning! – a little bit rude):
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TOM: There’s six black cocks and a little white kitten sitting on the side of the road. How many beaks have they got between them?
SOAP: Six.
TOM: How many wings have they got between them?
SOAP: Twelve.
TOM: How many feet?
SOAP: Er, well, twelve.
TOM: That’s right. So how many whiskers has the little white kitten got?
SOAP: How the fuck should I know?
TOM: How come you know so much about black cocks and so little about white pussy?
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If anyone knows the end of the following one, let me know!:
‘All right, there’s this brass standing on the corner.’
‘Dwarf walks up to her carrying a suitcase…’
Feb 05, 2008 @ 17:28:15
Two dwarfs out on the pull, manage to score and take two woman home. Dwarf one has a case of limp-dick so he can’t get it up and to make matters worse, all night he can hear dwarf two saying “right, here I come again… 1…2…3 uuhhhh”. Next morning, dwarf one says to dwarf two, “how humiliating! I couldn’t even get an erection”. Dwarf two says, “You think that’s bad… I couldn’t even get on the fucking bed”!
So the next night – the dwarf goes back to the woman from the night before except this time he’s carrying a little suitcase. As the woman lies back on the bed, preparing herself for a bit of a quiet night, the dwarf opens his suitcase and takes out four little peices of coiled spring.
He attaches one each to his feet and one each to his hands. Standing up, slightly unsteadily, he bounces first up onto the bed and then onto the awaiting woman. Up and down, up and down he goes until finally the pair climax in a shower of bodily fluids.
As they smoke a post-coital cigarette, the woman turns to the dwarf and says “Wow, little fella, that was the most amazing sex I’ve ever experienced! But a somewhat unusual technique. What do you call it?”
“Well, its a german method” replies the dwarf, ” It’s four-sprung-dwarf-technique”
Feb 05, 2008 @ 21:44:16
Did you hear about the dwarf farmer who went to see his GP with a sore scrotum.
He said “Doctor, whenever I’m working out in the yard, mucking out pigs or feeding chickens, I get a really sore scrotum”
“Oh, said the doctor. You’d better lie down on the couch and let me take a look”.
Having examined the patient for a few moments he shouted “nurse, pass me the surgical scissors”.
After snipping away for a few minutes the doctor ask the dwarf to get up a walk around.
“Is that any better” asked the doctor.
“Yes, thats marvellous” replied the dwarf, “what did you do?”
“Oh” replied the doctor “I just cut the tops off your wellies!”
Feb 06, 2008 @ 09:52:14
Loving the Google Ads for this post too!